We’re traversing the last few weeks of winter as we’ve arrived in March. March’s etymology is born from the Roman, Mars, the god of war/victory. Tuesday is also Mars’s day, so it’s my mission to attack my workload today + get this substack out, and celebrate by going to a yoga class this evening. Small victories. Small pleasures.
March has a certain texture to it.. slush, sludge and the tenacity of new life bubbling up through what was previously frozen. With Spring arriving this month, there is a hopeful nature to March, I’ll also mention that March is also forever tainted with the echo of 2020. It’s been 4 years since Covid forever changed the landscape of our lives.
There is a little voice in me that just chimed in as I wrote that “Oh God, you’re not going to bring up the pandemic again are you?”
Well, actually – yes, it’s March – an ‘anniversary’ of the world changing from what we once knew. I feel, it’s important to acknowledge where we’ve been, what we’ve grown through. As this substack is largely devoted to healing, the collective experience of 2020 will likely continue to be referenced here, particularly in March.
Whatever you were doing in March 2020 – you stopped, and took a significant pause. It’s actually so wild to look back and see all that unfolded and the complex confusion it procured. Depending on where you were, and your current life situations, there was a frantic nature to it all, the way a fear response is activated, the ways we coped, the opportunities it presented to go deeper in ourselves and our values.
A great deal of sadness, separation, isolation, remorse, judgement, dissonance, greif, anger, loneliness, rejection all simultaneously occurred as our routines and communities disbanded, and new ones formed behind zoom screens. Relationships took a hit, or got stronger. Alcohol abuse increased, and some folks finally got sober and started at home workouts. Our children were initiated into the digital world much faster than we would have liked, because to get them online was the only promise of connection with friends for most…
I’m sharing this now, because I’ve recently recognized a lot more discussion and honest self-assessment from individuals on how deeply the pxndemic affected them.
I’m naming the loss here.
March comes around, and I feel it.
I spend the 6 years prior building a conscious community, gathering folks for spiritual practice, educating and immersing in yogic technologies, ceremony and conversation surrounding the impacts of colonization, the importance of healing generational curses, the creation of new systems that provided accessibility etc, these were things I just didn’t see around me happening at the time or was hearing about in the same way. It was special, and it was foundational…
I was planning events, practicing among my peers, and was on a trajectory that felt aligned with my purpose. I poured my heart and soul into my business. I wore many hats + held a great deal of responsibility and care for our community. I simultaneously was parenting and producing alot of content, engaging on multiple fronts. I was on my phone, answering emails, or writing IG posts in the presence of my kid alot… Everyday I was at the space, supporting, participating, working in our store, and always putting out the little fires that happen in any business, I call this, the whirlwind. My life felt like a whirlwind – but it was all worth it for where we were growing.
In January 2020 I felt like this was going to be the year where it all came together, and I would have more space to focus on family because the word was out, the systems were in place + we could hire someone to do some of the jobs I had been doing. Part of my intention as a buisness owner was to create jobs, hire folks that had greater expertise and passion in areas I was simply just making it work in…
When we ultimately closed for Covid, (and we closed immediately – i intuited this was not heading anywhere positive for our brick and mortar at this time) I was burned out. I felt some sense of relief at first, a forced close meant it wasn’t on me just needing a break and things wouldn’t fall apart in my absence. I was excited at the opportunity to homeschool and stay home my daughter. It was a tough/easy decision. My practice is one that embraces Paradox. Upon staying home and remaining engaged online, I quickly saw folks were not ok. I kept giving to our community online for free, no pass, no membership – just instagram lives and some random zoom events. With no clear guidance, no end goal, I eventually burned out from this too.
Honestly, looking back there is so much I can speak to.. so much I had to set down, so much to look at, so much more to unearth in myself, my familiar line, my partnership… It’s been an ongoing process.
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I kept this in my drafts till today! piecing my story together.. March 2025 seems like an just another reflective part of the puzzle.
